It
was the year 1075 and Erchie MacAlpine, son of the builder Thorfinn
the Haufbrick, was woken from his slumber by the sound of battle.
Hastily donning the traditional burberry protective headgear and grabbing
his trusty Assegai, Big Malky as he was known to his clansmen, sprang
into battle.
He would know nothing of the moment that the sword
of Strachan the Jammaker removed his head from his shoulders in
one vicious sweep. As blood spurted from the stump where once was
MacAlpine's head, Strachan was reminded of his family's calling,
as Robertson, the first strawberry jam makers to King Malcolm II.
Robertson's can claim to be one of Scotland's
oldest clans with a distinctive tartan which dates back to 812 AD
and can also claim patents to shortbread and the first known jam
factory, located in Pitlochry in 936 AD.
Jam making was primitive and jam jars were imported
from France in a trade which infuriated the English. France refused
to export to England where jam was stored in the lining of a sheep's
stomach. It was to humiliate and taunt the English that Struan Robertson
filled a sheep's stomach with coarse grain sand and dessicated Black
Jacks, to make the world's first Haggis.
Famous Robertson's include:
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Lord Robertson
Heid Bummer of Nato. Renowned
for his post-prandial habit of forgetting to wash jam
off his face after eating Jeely Pieces, an original
Scottish delicacy.
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Cliff Robertson
Oscar winning American actor
and world authority on jam making.
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John Robertson
Ace winger and European Cup
winner with Nottingham Forest.
As a Scotsman, he was less than
delighted to be picked by Don Revie for Revie's first
squad as England manager.
A namesake was a Jambo.
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Golly Robertson
Since 982 AD, the logo of Robertson
the Jam Maker.
Forced to give up the logo by
the United Nations because it caused offence to coal
miners.
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Robbie Robertson
Ace guitarist with The Band.
Once Bob Dylan's backing band,
they were immortalised in the finest rock movie of the
1970's, the Martin Scorsese directed "The Last
Waltz".
Robbie Robertson also composed
the soundtrack to "Raging Bull" a movie where
copious quantities of jam were used to create realistic
blood and snotters visual effects.
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Brian Robertson
AKA Robbie the Pict.
Tireless campaigner, pain in
the arse of the Scottish judiciary, and maybe one day,
an MSP in an independent Scotland.
Has been involved in the odd
jam in his youth.
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