"I bet he's got a wee willie, I can't wait to see him in swimming trunks" said Effie McHugh of Auchenshoogle as she waved her "Fuck the Monarchy" flag and tottered unsteadily back to the pub.

The Scottish Water Polo Federation insisted that the Prince was picked for the team on merit. There were thirteen available places in the squad and the mysterious circumstances in which all the other triallists were unavailable were discounted. "Absolutely nothing to do with us. The chap was picked because he was the best player at the trials" according to Sir Ranulph Twit-Farquarson, president of the Federation and 632nd in line to the throne.

The brilliant and much loved Prince pratices water polo with chums

Prince William was reported to be delighted. In a recent interview with Grovel magazine he discussed his chances of making the squad and lamented the cost of water polo. "Daddy says that unless I stop drowning his best horses then he's going to deduct ten grand a month off my allowance. Really, he's such a jug-eared old pedant. I have asked the management team if I can fit the horses with aqualungs, but they have said no".

Bookmakers have started taking bets on how many goals the Prince will score for Scotland. However, in a surprising twist, a spokesperson for Rakeoff, Scotland's largest bookmaker, reported that the most popular bet was that the prince would mysteriously drown despite the attendance of all his team mates, the crowd and the opposition players.

And what a tragedy for Scotland that would be.