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  News Archive 2000
   

 

 

With the Scottish people still united in their grief for the departure of Jim Wallace from his post of Deputy First Minister, the remorseless and ruthless wheels of Scottish politics grind on.

Jim Wallace was widely acknowledged as one of the least charismatic politicians of his generation. His lack of ability was widely admired by a Scottish population increasingly desperate for something to laugh about.

In his place steps the youthful Nicol Stephen. The fresh faced Mr Stephen is a solicitor by trade and has that rare commodity in the Parly, commercial experience. He was once a Director of a company called Glassbox Ltd. The company is no longer trading. That may point to relevant experience that he can bring to an institution that does not appear to be doing very well either.

One of his first ruthless acts as a dynamic rapier thrusting ex-lawyer and commercial dynamo of defunct companies was to remorselessly reshuffle his front bench team.

The new Scottish Executive looks like this:

Executive Office
New Minister
Old Minister
Heid Bummer
Jack McConnell
Deputy Heid Bummer
Nicol Stephen
Jim Wallace
Minister without Portfolio
Agnes McConnell
Minister without a clue
Tommy McConnell
Minister for Hedgehogs
John Stephen
John Wallace
Minister for Wallpaper
Senga Stephen
Senga Wallace
Minister for Navel Fluff
Euphemia Stephen
Euphemia Wallace
Minister for Paper Clips
Henry McConnell
Minister for Trees
Wendy McConnell
Minister for Space
Tony McConnell
Minister for Mouse Mats
George McConnell
Minister for PMT
Tom McConnell
Minister for ESP
Gordon McConnell
Minister for TCP/IP
Peter McConnell
Minister for HRT
Iain McConnell
Minister for VHF
Donald McConnell
Minister for DVD
Archie Stephen
Archie Wallace
Minister for the Internet
Davie Stephen
Davie Wallace
Minister for Shortbread
Hugh Stephen
Hugh Wallace
Minister for Lightbulbs
Hector Stephen
Hector Wallace
Minister for Shoe Laces
Farquar Stephen
Farquar Wallace
Minister for Cats
Simon Stephen
Simon Wallace
Minister for Trout
Seamus Stephen
Seamus Wallace
Minister for Glass
Tarquin Stephen
Tarquin Wallace
Minister for Hobbits
Crichton Stephen
Crichton Wallace
Minister for Elves
Bill Stephen
Bill Wallace
Minister for Baked Beans
Helen Stephen
Helen Wallace
Minister for Ministers
Angus McConnell
Minister for Taxis
Senga McConnell
Minister for Cars
Alex McConnell
Minister for Buses
Eck McConnell
Minister for Asparagus
Shona Stephen
Shona Wallace
Minister for Astrology
Jock Stephen
Jock Wallace
Minister for Camping
William Stephen
William Wallace
Minister for Caravans
Euan Stephen
Euan Wallace
Minister for Trains
Fraser McConnell
Minister for Bikes
Angus McConnell
Minister for Roller Blades
Hamish McConnell
Minister for Mountains
Fiona McConnell
Minister for Lochs
Donald McConnell
Minister for Glens
Ramsay McConnell
Minister for Arran
Helen McConnell
Minister for Skye
Ewan McConnell
Minister for Mice
Alan McConnell
Minister for Brothels
Rev Tom McConnell
Minister for Football
Alex McConnell
Minister for Kilts
Ian McConnell
Ian McConnell
Minister for Cheese
Carol McConnell
Carol McConnell
Minister for Sewers
Ken McConnell
Ken McConnell
Minister for Pencils
Ellen McConnell
Ellen McConnell
Minister for Toenails
Effie McConnell
Effie McConnell
Minister for Clocks
Snodgrass McConnell
Snodgrass McConnell
Minister for Dentists
Hunter McConnell
Hunter McConnell
Minister for Bribes
Brian McConnell
Brian McConnell
Minister for Summer
Tarquin McConnell
Tarquin McConnell
Minister for Winter
Hector McConnell
Hector McConnell
Minister for Spring
Euphemia McConnell
Euphemia McConnell
Minister for Rain
Agnes McConnell
Agnes McConnell
Minister for Canoes
Robert McConnell
Robert McConnell
Minister for Socks
Jo McConnell
Jo McConnell