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The Scottish Executive has announced
a programme of compulsory drug testing for all secondary schoolchildren
in Scotland.
The sophisticated tests can detect microscopic
quantities of drugs and alcohol in the childrens' bloodstream
and will be able to report on substance abuse up to six weeks
after drugs or drink have been consumed.
Children who fail the drug test will
undertake a mandatory eight week drugs education programme.
The Scottish Executive have stated that
children who do not take drugs and alcohol are ill-prepared
for the poverty, stress and misery of life in Scotland. The
education programme is designed to teach children the basics
of drug taking and consumption of strong drink.
Included in the education programme
will be:
| How to fool parents |
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| How to fool teachers |
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| How to spot a drug dealer |
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| How to approach a drug dealer once
you have spotted one |
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| The correct street prices for drugs |
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| How to get bigger kids to buy alcohol
for you |
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| How to look older and get into
pubs |
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| Be Prepared |
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“It is very important that children
are realistic about the kind of Scotland we are preparing
for them and are equipped to survive in it” said a spokesman
before falling over into a drink induced stupor.
FirstFoot understands that testing will
start at Fettes College where a history of drug induced megalomania
has been firmly established.
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