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"This is a Parliament for our people"
declared King Shagga, the newly re-elected Heid Bummer of
Scotland.
"It is a Parliament that will be characterised
by a ruthless dedication to being ruthlessly dedicated. We
will look carefully at everything that has to be looked carefully
at and we will ensure that this is a government for the government
and by the government".
"The people of Scotland have spoken
and they have told us they want more choice" continued King
Shagga "I have therefore created 126 new ministerial posts
and 671 new and meaningless initiatives. I also intend to
consult widely with my colleagues to see how we can possibly
persuade the Scottish people that they shouldn't turf us out
on our arses at the next election for being useless numpties".
FirstFoot has scooped an exclusive list
of the new cabinet appointments which we publish here:
| |
Executive
Office |
New Minister
|
| |
Heid Bummer |
Jack McConnell |
| |
Deputy Heid Bummer |
Jim Wallace |
| |
Minister without Portfolio |
Agnes McConnell |
| |
Minister without a
clue |
Tommy McConnell |
| |
Minister for Hedgehogs |
John Wallace |
| |
Minister for Wallpaper |
Senga Wallace |
| |
Minister for Navel
Fluff |
Euphemia Wallace |
| |
Minister for Paper
Clips |
Henry McConnell |
| |
Minister for Trees
|
Wendy McConnell |
| |
Minister for Space
|
Tony McConnell |
| |
Minister for Mouse
Mats |
George McConnell
|
| |
Minister for PMT |
Tom McConnell |
| |
Minister for ESP |
Gordon McConnell
|
| |
Minister for TCP/IP
|
Peter McConnell |
| |
Minister for HRT |
Iain McConnell |
| |
Minister for VHF |
Donald McConnell |
| |
Minister for DVD |
Archie Wallace |
| |
Minister for the Internet |
Davie Wallace |
| |
Minister for Shortbread |
Hugh Wallace |
| |
Minister for Lightbulbs
|
Hector Wallace |
| |
Minister for Shoe Laces |
Farquar Wallace |
| |
Minister for Cats |
Simon Wallace |
| |
Minister for Trout
|
Seamus Wallace |
| |
Minister for Glass
|
Tarquin Wallace |
| |
Minister for Hobbits
|
Crichton Wallace |
| |
Minister for Elves |
Bill Wallace |
| |
Minister for Baked
Beans |
Helen Wallace |
| |
Minister for Ministers
|
Angus McConnell |
| |
Minister for Taxis
|
Senga McConnell |
| |
Minister for Cars |
Alex McConnell |
| |
Minister for Buses
|
Eck McConnell |
| |
Minister for Asparagus
|
Shona Wallace |
| |
Minister for Astrology |
Jock Wallace |
| |
Minister for Camping
|
William Wallace |
| |
Minister for Caravans
|
Euan Wallace |
| |
Minister for Trains
|
Fraser McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Bikes
|
Angus McConnell |
| |
Minister for Roller
Blades |
Hamish McConnell |
| |
Minister for Mountains
|
Fiona McConnell |
| |
Minister for Lochs
|
Donald McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Glens
|
Ramsay McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Arran
|
Helen McConnell |
| |
Minister for Skye |
Ewan McConnell |
| |
Minister for Mice |
Alan McConnell |
| |
Minister for Brothels
|
Rev Tom McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Football
|
Alex McConnell |
| |
Minister for Kilts
|
Ian McConnell |
| |
Minister for Cheese
|
Carol McConnell |
| |
Minister
for Sewers |
Ken McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Pencils |
Ellen McConnell |
| |
Minister for Toenails |
Effie McConnell |
| |
Minister for Clocks
|
Snodgrass McConnell |
| |
Minister
for Dentists |
Hunter
McConnell |
| |
Minister for Bribes
|
Brian McConnell |
| |
Minister for Summer
|
Tarquin McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Winter
|
Hector McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Spring
|
Euphemia McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Rain |
Agnes McConnell |
| |
Minister for Canoes
|
Robert McConnell
|
| |
Minister for Socks |
Jo McConnell |
|
